Lilys Childhood

**Lily's childhood was a whirlwind of experiences and emotions, shaped by the world and people around her.**

In the peaceful town of Meadowbrook, Lily's early years were filled with moments that deeply impacted her view of life:

**Environmental Awareness:**

From a young age, Lily was

introduced to the importance of protecting the environment. She witnessed
protests against the killing of whales and animals becoming extinct,
participated in campaigns to pick up rubbish and keep the city clean. These
experiences instilled in her a profound respect for nature.

**Community and Commerce:**

The local markets and farms were a vibrant part of her childhood, where people sold their goods and fostered a
sense of community. Lily enjoyed the simple pleasure of browsing the stalls and
interacting with the vendors.

**Sailing Adventures:**

Sailing with her dad's family and friends was a cherished activity. The open waters and the camaraderie aboard
the boat offered her a sense of freedom and adventure. Her family spent a lot of time
watching sailing competitions from hills, mingling with indigenous children
while waiting for the races to finish. These interactions enriched her
understanding of different cultures.

**Family Bonds:**

Fishing trips and collecting shellfish with her dad and grandfather,

holidays at surf beaches with her parents and grandparents, and
being picked up from school by her grandmother, playing board games and cards

- were moments that strengthened her family bonds.

School holidays were spent with Grandparents who often took

drove the children to holiday spots staying in motels and campsites.

**Olympic Dreams and Tragedies:**

The first Olympics she recalls seeing a national runner claim a gold medal in a record time

she was in awe and thought he had accomplished something that was impossible.

Her dad's friends were Olympic-class Sailors. One of them made the Olympic qualification in Russia,
but the games were boycotted by her country for political reasons. Another
friend, hit by a boom in a competition, went on to win a gold medal at the next
Olympics, despite the injury. These stories of perseverance and triumph left a
lasting impression on Lily.

**Challenges of Disability:**

One of her dad's friends had a disabled boy who was violent to the children and unable to communicate. As
the boy grew faster than the other children and became wheelchair-bound as a
teenager, his inability to communicate and aggressive behavior frightened Lily
and her peers. His condition, which devastated his parents, was a poignant
reminder of the challenges faced by families of children with disabilities.

**Cultural Lag:**

Lily's country was considered 10 years behind the world which bred what was to be

known locally as the number eight wire mentality where the locals

had to be innovative to solve problems.

While life was pleasant, overseas supplies were expensive,
and travel was limited. This shaped her understanding of global disparities.

**Protests and Preservation:**

She noticed protests about old theatres being torn down, reflecting a community's struggle to preserve its
cultural heritage.

**Rugby and Rituals:**

Rugby was a beloved sport in her country and

family. Without recording devices, they watched games live, even if it meant
staying up until 1am. These gatherings were a testament to their passion and
dedication.

**Global Concerns:**

News of baby seals being killed for

fur coats, protests against whaling, and the extinction of animals exposed Lily
to broader global issues and sparked her interest in conservation.

**Nature and Sports:**

Lily loved watching nature and sports programs, including competitions featuring horses and sheepdogs on
farms. These programs connected her to the natural world and fostered her love
for animals. Her extended family were involved in surf club activities and they would

attend fundraising raffles and events in the holidays.

Despite not being particularly skilled at sports and

often being one of the last to be chosen for school activities,

she served as the captain of a netball team for several years.

Her team had the opportunity to compete against a representative Australian team,

although they faced a substantial defeat.

Over time, her team improved

and went on to win their grade in the local graded competition.

**Annual Events:**

Annual Santa parades with bagpipes and

marching girls were a highlight of her childhood, bringing festive cheer to the
town. Anzac Day was another significant annual event. Watching her grandfather
march with his medals in the parade and attending the service was a
time-honored tradition. Afterward, her grandmother would cook for the family
and his war colleagues, and her grandfather would play snooker in the pool
room.

**Christmas and Family Gatherings:**

Christmas Day was marked by a big lunch with extended family visiting at different times. Once a
year, the entire extended family would gather for a big shared lunch, bringing
together children and grandparents for a day filled with laughter and love. Her
grandfather would bring out his piano accordion and mouth organ, filling the
air with music and adding to the festive atmosphere.

**Neighborhood Community:**

Living in a street where children could play freely, Lily interacted with young families from different
nationalities and religions, enriching her understanding of diversity and
inclusion.

**Early Adventures and Fears**

As a baby, Lily's life was marked by a memorable adventure. Her parents took her to Australia,

hoping to start a new chapter in their lives.

However, their plans took an unexpected turn when Lily's grandparents discovered a lizard in her crib during a visit.

This humorous yet startling incident prompted her protective grandparents to bring her back home to New Zealand.

This anecdote, while lighthearted, underscores the strong bond and protective nature of her family.

Lily's childhood was also shaped by her father's short temper and sharp tongue,

which made her feel inadequate and fearful.

His outbursts left a lasting impression on her, creating a sense of anxiety in her early years.

At the age of six, not long before her birthday, Lily had a nasty bicycle accident.

Despite longing for a new bike, the accident left her with a deep fear of any road vehicle.

She never had another bike after that incident,

and the experience contributed to her cautious nature when it came to road safety.

**Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble**

An unforgettable incident with her sibling added to the turmoil of her early years.

Both under five, Lily and her sibling were supposed to be doing the dishes but ended up in a mischievous fight,

throwing sugar and squirting dishwashing liquid at each other.

When their mother returned from hanging out the washing, she found the kitchen in chaos.

While the girls got changed, their mother tried to clean up the mess.

Unfortunately, they had tracked dishwashing liquid throughout the house,

and when their father walked in with his jandals on, he slipped and fell.

The situation escalated into violence when their mother laughed,

highlighting the unpredictable and often tense environment of Lily's childhood.

**Limited Extracurricular Activities:**

With both of her parents working, Lily was unable to participate in extracurricular activities
until she became a teenager. This made her more independent and resourceful as
she found ways to entertain herself and pursue her interests.

**Family Tensions:**

Despite the picturesque setting, Lily's home life was fraught with tension. Her father did not like a noisy
house, and the children were taught to be seen, not heard. His short temper and
bouts of violence created a fearful atmosphere. During parental fights, their
mother would tell them to leave the house, and they could hear her screaming
from the furthest corner of the yard. They lived in constant fear for her
safety. Lily once saw her little sister thrown against a wall after wetting
herself in fear, a traumatic incident that left a lasting scar.

**Gifts and Birthdays:**

The children didn’t receive day to day gifts, making birthdays and Christmas especially exciting. They had a
second-hand bike, and Lily desperately wanted a new one for her birthday.
However, she had a bad accident on the old bike shortly before her birthday,
which left her bedridden and anxious about riding a bike ever again. One year while on holiday

the family house was broken into and the Christmas gifts were stolen. There was

no insurance so they were never replaced. This made the children want to take all

their gifts on holiday on future trips.

**Academic Achievements:**

Lily was good at school and often won awards. However, she had to put in a lot of work to learn to write
with her right hand because left-handed writing was not allowed. Despite this
challenge, she persevered and excelled in her studies.

**National Anthem:**

At her first school, the national

anthem was "God Save the Queen." One night, her grandparents took her
and her sister to wave the Queen farewell on her ship. Lily looked up at the
Queen, seeing her as the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and wanting to
be like her. Her second school God of Nations was the National Anthem

sung entirely in English. Her Highschool was the first time she heard God of Nations

sung in Maori for the first chorus.

**Moving and Responsibilities:**

When Lily's family moved closer to her grandparents, she had to switch schools. She was popular at her
first school and found the move unsettling. She was told to always look after
her sister, who had more difficulty making friends. She also had to help her
sisters and brothers with their homework.

**Sibling Dynamics:**

Lily was close with her younger sister who was close in age and envious of her brother,

who always seemed to do no wrong and get his way and received better gifts because he was the only
boy in the family. She adored her very youngest sister who was born prematurely but there was a 7 year age gap.

She often helped her younger siblings with homework and looked after them.

**Love for Reading:**

Lily loved reading and would lose herself in books, but the family didn’t often have time to go to the library
and could not afford to buy books to keep up with her passion.

**Maori Club and Cultural Learning:**

At her new school,

Lily joined the Maori Club and found joy in singing, which was restricted at
home due to her father's dislike of noise. She learned cultural dances and
crafts, immersing herself in the rich traditions.

The national anthem was now
"God of Nations."

**School Fundraisers:**

The school had gala days and other

fundraisers to raise money for a pool. Lily was never given swimming lessons
outside of school, but her father's family were strong swimmers and taught her
the basics of swimming.

**Local Theatre and Pantomime:**

Lily attended movies regularly at the local theatre and loved a pantomime production made by the
senior school. The local doctor knew the families well, looking after different
generations and sports clubs. If there was after-hours treatment needed, an
on-call doctor would do a home visit before deciding if a hospital visit was
necessary.

**Shared Room and Imagination:**

Lily shared a room with her younger sister until she was a young teenager. She always wanted her own
room but would talk to her sister at night, imagining being different people.
Lily's sister always wanted to have children, but Lily was more adventurous.
B9oth girls loved animals, and Lily wanted a dog for years. She would ask Santa,
but he would say they couldn’tgive live pets away. Her mother liked cats, and there was always a cat around
the house. One cat went missing, and her sister found it at a house with a
disabled person who loved it. Her youngest sister decided to leave the cat with that person
because they loved it. Eventually, Lily’s

parents agreed to get a dog and got a puppy which Lily loved.

Unfortunately, the puppy had a virus and died after a few weeks despite the family’s efforts with

the vet. Lily was devastated and cried a lot, but this made her father angry,
and she would be sent to her room. Her mother told her if she didn’t stop crying,

she would never get another, so she learned to hide her emotions. The did

eventually get another dog who she loved dearly.

**Intermediate School**

Lily moved to the intermediate school and was there with a lot of students from other schools. This was the
first school she attended by herself since her younger sister started school.
She liked the school and was a high achiever. She did well but found it harder
to make friends in classes with many new students. However, she was never alone
and could join other groups if her closest friends were away. The school had
its own dental practice, and the children would be called to the ‘murder house’

which students had to go to at least twice a year.

**High School**

Like many teenagers, she wasn’t happy and, despite living in a nice area

, was not happy with the hand she had been dealt.

She sat her year 10 exams, known as school certificate, and passed the 5 subjects she took.

**Work Ethic**

From a very young age, a strong work ethic was instilled in Lily.

Lily's first jobs included a newspaper route at age 10,

strawberry picking 13 , and later at 15 part-time work at a supermarket.

**Challenging the Status Quo**

Lilys fathers favourite quote was "Rules are Made to be Broken"

This philosophy reflects the importance of being flexible, challenging established norms

and pushing boundaries to drive innovation and progress.

The mindset has stuck with her throughout her life , inspiring her to embrace

creativity, think outside the box, look at problems from different angles

and overcome obstacles in her journey.

Balancing Single Motherhood, Professional Challenges,

and Social Expectations

**Jack and Emma's Adjustment**

Lily's children, Jack and Emma, quickly settled into their new schools, finding
comfort in the familiar faces of their friends.

**Lily's Struggles**

However,for Lily, the transition was anything but easy. The weight of her recent past
and the uncertainty of the future loomed large, making each day a battle to
stay strong for her family.0

**Media and Social Judgment**

The media's relentless portrayal of single mothers on benefits as
"bludgers" and "losers" gnawed at her self-esteem.

Thewhispers she overheard from friends and even her parents added to her sense of
isolation and failure.0
0000

Shefelt as though she was walking a tightro0pe, constantly fearing the judgment and
pity of those around her.

**Unbearable Work Environment**

The thought of returning to work in a bar was unbearable. The noise, the crowds,
and the overwhelming presence of testosterone made her skin crawl.

Determined to create a stable future for her children,

Lily made a plan to finish her degree, knowing that it was key to securing a
better-paying job. However, the courses she needed wouldn't start until the
following year. In the meantime, she had to manage the immediate challenges of
supporting her family.

**Financial Struggles**

For a time, Lily relied on the funds from their UK account, but as the expiration
date on her eftpos card approached, she knew she had no choice but to apply for
government assistance.

This decision weighed heavily on her, marking one of the lowest points in her life.

The stigma attached to being on benefits was a constant source of shame and
anxiety.

Additionally, she was informed that her private agreement

with her husband was invalid due to her single mother benefit status.
Reluctantly, she signed a form allowing the government to claim child support
on her behalf, knowing it was the only way to avoid reduced payments.

**Limited Support System**

Lily's support system was limited to her Mum and Gran and a couple of friends.

Her sisters, preoccupied with their own families and struggles, were not available.

Despite this, Lily found solace in the unwavering love and support of her Mum and Gran.

They reminded her of the strength that ran through their family, and though the road
ahead was uncertain, they believed in her ability to overcome.

**Daily Resilience**

Each day was a test of her resilience.

Lily pushed through her desire to retreat into solitude, knowing that her children
needed her to be present and functioning.

Lily walked along the beach, the rhythmic sound of the

waves providing a momentary escape from the overwhelming pressure she felt.

Despite the serene surroundings, the burden of her financial struggles and the
emotional turmoil of her separation weighed heavily on her.

**Jack's Emotional Struggle**

When her husband called, it often left their son, Jack, in tears, blaming himself
for the separation.

**Bringing Comfort with a Puppy**

To bring some comfort to her children, Lily decided to get a puppy, hoping it
would bring joy to their home.

The puppy quickly became a beloved member of the family, offering much-needed
companionship and happiness.

**Financial Strain and Taking in Students**

Despite her efforts, the financial strain continued.

Lily was barely able to cover the debts from their flights home and everyday
expenses.

To avoid homelessness, she took in students from South Korea, providing them with
a place to stay and easing the financial burden slightly.

**Husband's Visit and Damaged Relationship**

ForJack's 10th birthday, Lily's husband decided to visit and stay for three weeks.

Lily found herself hoping that they might reconcile, but his demanding behavior and
shouting made it clear that their relationship was irreparably damaged.

Her sense of safety was compromised, and she started waking up in the middle of the
night, feeling scared and vulnerable.

**Focus on Studies and Limited Resources**

After he left, Lily focused on her studies, knowing she would have to face the
challenges alone.

The courses were demanding and required heavy reading, but she was determined to
complete her degree within a year.

Despite the hardships, she persevered, driven by the hope of a better future for
herself and her children.

Lily was careful with their limited resources, only turning on the heater when the
children were home.

Her cat often sat beside her, providing warmth and comfort as she worked late into
the night.

Jack joined a soccer team, and Lily felt a small sense of relief knowing that a
policeman lived next door, adding a layer of security to their lives.

**Seeking Legal Advice and Divorce Challenges**

Seeking legal advice, Lily met with a lawyer to discuss divorce and the ownership of
their house.

Although she had initially agreed not to pursue child support in exchange for keeping
the house, she now faced the reality of the financial challenges ahead.

The two-year separation period required for divorce loomed over her, adding to her
stress.

**Job Market and Child Support**

Upon completing her degree, Lily was disheartened to find the job market flooded
with technology professionals due to major layoffs.

Additionally,she was informed that her private agreement with her husband was invalid due to
her single mother benefit status.

Reluctantly, she signed a form allowing the government to claim child support on her behalf,
knowing it was the only way to avoid reduced payments.

**Return to Work Challenges**

Lily's returm to work at a telecommunications company brought more challenges.

She received a letter demanding payment from the government department

for loans she had taken to provide her children with school uniforms & fees as well as glasses.

Payment was due before her first paycheck, adding to her
financial woes.

Her net income was less than the benefit due to student loan repayments, transport costs and other debts.

Despite this, she held onto the hope that things would eventually get better.

.

**Life's Juggling Act**

Life continued with Lily balancing work, her children's needs,
and ongoing financial struggles.

A health scare led to a procedure supported by her Mum, adding to the emotional
strain.

Although she won a phone at work, her husband's contributions were now limited to holiday
gifts for the children.

**Supervision Needs and School Issues**

The need to provide more supervision for her young children meant she could no
longer host students.

Arguments between Jack and Emma occasionally resulted in minor accidents, such as a
broken window.

Lily took time off work to address issues at their schools, further complicating her
already tight schedule.

**Car Accident and Financial Burden**

One night, after a long day at work, Lily was involved in a major car accident.

With her father's car now unusable and the insurance payout having gone to him,

she had to borrow money to buy another vehicle.

This was crucial to ensure they could still go camping

for Christmas and she could reliably get to work.

**Proceeding with Divorce**

Two years later, Lily contacted her lawyers again to proceed with the divorce.

However, she refused to sign a caveat against her home, knowing it would put her at
greater financial risk.

Despite her husband not responding to previous correspondence, she stood firm,
determined to protect her family's future.

**Gran's Stroke and Passing**

Shortly before thecar accident, Lily’s Gran suffered a massive stroke. Lily tried to visit her in
the hospital at least once a week, but the visits were emotionally draining.
When her Gran passed away, Lily was deeply saddened, especially because her Gran
didn't want a funeral. This added to Lily’s sense of loss and isolation.

**Car Accident and Injury**

After the car accident, Lily was signed off work for 12 days due to a compression injury and
whiplash. A few months later, she started experiencing severe back pain, making
it difficult to sit and get through her workdays. She went to physio, but the
pain continued to worsen.

**Pain Management and Dog Incident**

When her son got a paper round, Lily walked him through the route with their dog. On a hill, the
dog pulled her, exacerbating her back pain to unbearable levels. An emergency
doctor prescribed tramadol, but it caused severe vomiting, forcing her to abandon
public transport and walk back to her car. She was then prescribed morphine but
was still in pain.

**Specialist and Surgery**
Her doctor referred her to a private specialist,

partially covered by her health insurance

who recommended an MRI and back surgery. By now, Lily was
walking with a limp. The surgery meant she couldn’t drive for six weeks.

During this time, her daughter worked part-time to afford things like a ball dress,
The school’s policy that students must have paid school fees to
participate in extracurricular activities. Her daughter continued her dance
studies but dislocated her knee cap at work, requiring medical appointments.
The only able-bodied person in the family was her 11-year-old son, who tried
his best to help.

**Return to Work and New Struggles**

Two weeks after Lily's operation, she was sent back to work, still struggling to walk. ACC
arranged for her daughter’s transportation to school and Lily’s transport to
work in shared taxis three times a week, while she worked from home the other
two days. Lily started to regain strength but developed plantar fasciitis and
severe toe cramps, adding to her physical struggles.

**Redundancy and Family Holiday**

Her daughter eventually recovered, but her dance aspirations were shattered. Adding to their
challenges, Lily’s company decided to outsource her job, resulting in
redundancy. With the redundancy payout, Lily took her children to the Gold
Coast for their last family holiday together. Back home, she signed on for
benefits again, and the government resumed the claim for child support from her
husband.

**New Job and Persistent Health Issues**

After three months, Lily found a job at a software house

supporting businesses worldwide. However,
her health issues persisted. She began experiencing very heavy and prolonged
periods following her back surgery. Visits to the doctor led to a scan and biopsy.
When her doctor moved to Australia, Lily changed clinics and saw a specialist
in women’s health.

**Medical Procedures and Recovery***

The new specialist performed a D&C and inserted an IUD, which initially lightened the bleeding
but didn’t resolve the issue. Six months later, the IUD was removed, and the
heavy bleeding returned. Ultimately, Lily had a hysterectomy and was off work
for six weeks without pay to recover.

**Constant Struggle to Keep Moving Forward**

During this difficult period, Lily's life became a constant struggle to keep moving forward.

Every day felt like an endless cycle of juggling household responsibilities,

family activities, health issues, and a demanding full-time job.

It took all her strength just to put one foot in front of the other and survive.

**Small Acts of Self Care**

Despite the overwhelming challenges,

Lily promised herself to carve out a small luxury amidst the chaos.

She made a commitment to visit the hairdresser once every couple of months and indulge in the occasional coffee.

Listening to music and playing SingStar with her children provided a sense of joy and comfort.

Walking along the beach, feeling the sand between her toes, brought her peace,

while the soothing sounds of the waves and the calls of native birds filled her with serenity.

Gazing at the night sky was a welcome contrast to the sirens and shouting that had become all too familiar in London.

These simple acts of self-care became a beacon of normalcy

and a reminder that she deserved moments of comfort and joy, no matter how fleeting.

Clinging to Sanity Through the Minefield

**Thriving in a New Role**

After her next job at a New Zealand software house, Lily thrived in a smaller business with a family-like atmosphere.

The team's camaraderie and collaboration enabled them to tackle business issues for sites worldwide.

Lily worked closely with resellers, learning the importance of problem ownership, site recovery, and restoration.

Despite being a smaller player, the business impressed with its functionality,

outshining larger organizations in the sub-corporate world.

Everyday challenges included finding software solutions for business problems

and explaining the software's results.

Government funding for cloud development allowed the company to expand its workforce.

** A Ruthless Takeover**

However, when the main shareholder passed away,

the remaining shareholders nearing retirement sold the company to a larger Australian software firm.

The takeover was ruthless, leading to job losses for over half the staff within 90 days.

Lily's department had a smaller headcount, and she anxiously awaited her team's fate.

Weekly departures of colleagues broke her heart,

witnessing friends reapply for their jobs, and seeing the emotional toll on them.

**New Premises and New Challenges**

The new premises significantly increased Lily's travel time,

adding three hours to her already long workday. Despite working from home part of the week,

the commute was taxing. The new organization offered opportunities and training,

allowing Lily to become involved in projects and eventually become a team leader.

However, the changes brought challenges, including limited lunch breaks

and Australian meetings in a different time zone.

She struggled with the heavy staff monitoring, and her team was unhappy.

**Leading with Excellence and Anxiety**

As a team leader, Lily played a pivotal role in two award-winning projects.

The awards were hotly contended, making this a significant achievement for her

and the supportive team that backed her. However, this achievement was bittersweet,

as she was later informed she would need to make one of her staff members redundant.

The thought of losing one of her team caused her significant anxiety and upset.

**Personal Struggles and Family Dynamics**

During this tumultuous time, Lily's daughter moved out and at Christmas,

her mother became unwell with shingles. Her daughter had exciting news

she was pregnant with her fiancé's child. Although Lily didn't see her daughter as often,

she attended a scan with her.

Lily was concerned about her daughter's weight gain and the baby's size,

estimated to be around 7 pounds at seven months.

Her daughter and fiancé wanted to move in with Lily when the baby was born

and Lily agreed, though she worried about how she would cope with a baby around again.

She never felt she was a particularly doting parent and was unsure of the expectations.

Lily's son, however, was excited about becoming an uncle.

**Banking Woes and Financial Struggles**

During this tumultuous time, Lily also faced difficulties with the bank that held her joint mortgage with her ex-husband.

They had taken life insurance on each other as a condition of their mortgage,

and Lily continued to pay this for the 12 years since their separation.

When she asked the bank to cancel the policies and tried to get an extra loan,

the bank refused her request upon learning it was for paying for a divorce.

Additionally, the bank would not cancel the life insurance or close the account without her husband's permission,

even though he had not touched it since their separation.

This situation troubled Lily, as she knew her husband would be angry.

He had messaged her that the IRD nearly made him do something stupid,

leaving her unsure if he meant to himself or to her. This disturbed her,

especially since she was insured for a considerable sum that would go to him.

Lily had moved every payment to her personal account, but the bank refused to close the joint account.

This resulted in the account going into overdraft, and the bank frequently called her to chase the payment.

Lily knew this would affect her credit rating and her ability to get a loan in the future,

but she refused to pay it, leading the bank to take the money directly from her personal account.

**Overwhelming Stress and Health Crisis**

Lily's overwhelming stress led to sleep issues, work pressure,

and calls from the tax department.

An early morning run to the beach resulted in an ambulance trip to the hospital.

Her son and mother witnessed her distress, and a mental health worker attempted to calm her.

After spending the day in the hospital, she was prescribed medication that left her feeling disoriented.

*Lily's GP prescribed more medication and signed her off work.

**Navigating the Legal Maze**

Lily found herself back on a benefit again, with the words "dole bludger" echoing in her head.

However, she needed to work through the complications of her divorce, which was holding her back.

She agreed with her ex-husband to remove their names from joint accounts in New Zealand and the UK,

leaving the accounts in their own names.

They had used these accounts for personal banking only and had not touched each other's joint accounts for years.

Her husband sent her letters from the NZ tax department,

revealing he was being asked for hundreds of thousands of dollars,

while her tax calculations were around $30K. She knew this would be a big barrier if he wanted to see their kids again.

When she asked for a breakdown of the calculations, she was refused for privacy reasons.

Lily found out that if her husband made a declaration of his actual wages, this amount would be reduced.

She advised him to do the declaration and send it to the tax department,

which he did, having it signed by a notary due to time constraints.

Lily discovered that she could handle the divorce paperwork herself

with the help of the local JP at the citizens' advice center.

She completed the documents to serve her ex-husband via email,

which he agreed to and returned signed.

According to local law, they had 12 months to sort out the ownership of assets or it would go to court.

Lily booked an appointment with a community lawyer and waited patiently for a few months.

When she finally saw him, he suggested getting a sale and purchase agreement instead of an expensive relationship agreement.

This would avoid her husband seeing a lawyer in the UK, which neither could afford.

However, the lawyer wanted to pursue another tangent, so Lily sought another recommendation.

The new lawyer created the agreement,

including a clause for her to pay any tax charged to her ex-husband to lift the caveat on the house.

This effectively meant she had to pay the tax department for the benefit money

she had received, as the department used the money for past support payments before passing it on to her.

Lily knew this caused friction in families, as fathers complained about child support payments

being used to repay government support given to mothers before the family received anything.

**Financial Challenges and New Beginnings**

Lily had to find a way to get a loan and currently did not have a job..

She visited the bank with her new agreement,

and the young girl who saw her typed into the computer while watching her phone

and said that they currently would not even give her the loan that they had

in the joint mortgage despite her paying it on her own for the last 12 years.

Lily now had to find another bank or way of financing her house so the agreement would work.

She was recommended a mortgage broker to whom she sent her details.

He recognized what the bank had failed to see: she had been a high earner*

and was only out of work for a short time, so there was a good chance this was a temporary situation.

He said he would go to asset lenders and come back to her,

advising that they would have a much higher interest rate. However, once she was back in work,

she could break the loan and go to a bank. Lily had been applying for work and was fortunate to get a job

before the agreement was complete. She secured the loan through a bank

recommended by the mortgage broker at a much more favorable rate.

Having a new job that did not include managing staff,

still in the IT area, and much closer to home was exciting for Lily.